|My poor menstrating penis.
||[Jan. 14th, 2005|05:24 pm]
Dr. Bill Williams
|||||Dance of the Fairy Godmother||]|
I masturbate frequently.
I've heard rumors and stories of masturbation causing severe ailments and blindness and death and missing nipples and such, but I never for a second thought it was anything but another spoof spawned by Pat Robertson. That was until I had my first ejaculating period. I was having such a good time, I was so turned on by the hemaphrodite in the porno I was watching. I must have spanked that tender monkey more times than I have sticky fingers to count. I began to take concern when small patches of skin began flaking from my precious boa sized cock. I thought that perhaps a little more KY would allievate the strange new problem. It just felt so... good, I barely noticed the spurt of red substance land on my prized autographed print of Pamela's ass cavity. I glanced down in satisfaction at my behemoth dick and a moment of parylizing horror ensued. It was one of those tragic moments, like watching your most idolized celebrity get her breasts ravished and eaten by a savalge horde of cannibals. No word from any mortal language can describe my anguish since that moment. Or maybe a glance of Rosanne O'Donnell playing with her lover in the shower and inserting a shampoo bottle in her rancid deformed bloodclotted pussy could just scratch the outer shell of my intense undescribable shock.
I couldn't believe it was mine. My precious. People worship it. My Penis. My own little Man. Only there's nothing little about Him. But He wasn't the same. In fact he looked like He just stepped out of the debris from the rubble at ground zero of the Chernobyl disaster. It was worse than the day that that bully in school forced me to toss his salad while my girlfriend blew him. *shivers* Puss, so much puss, like a puss factory, like a over-sucked nipple, like the time I conducted unlubricated anal sex. Sorry mom. And dad. And baby Amy. I miss you Micheal J. if you read this please answer one of my messages.
(back to what I was say...) Jessaca Alba was on top.... wait... Oh yeah, my penis... Well, it's bad. Really bad. REALLY REALLY BAD. And I'm scared. Really scared. That's also because Father Joseph is telling me my time is almost up and he isn't wearing anything. Help. Someone help me. Some super hero with really big muscles.... I mean titties come rescue me from this shameful demise. I have a date tomorrow and I really wanted to show her what a dirty sanchez was so hurry. I need a fix. A strap-on. Something. Oh and if you send it make sure it's more than 9 inches, I want her to be impressed. PAINFULLY IMPRESSED! I smoke cuban cigars. They taste delicious. I suck on them really good. I've been told I have unbelieavable potential when comes to smoking. I'm not sure what this means. But if you do please come let me know. I also like green people. Like Yoda. Is he even a person? I don't know what he is... but he's just SO DAMN.......!! O_o
I need help. Both emotional, psychological and physically (with this penis). So if you're young and you always wanted to star in porn, call me. Or better yet visit me. I think you can make everything better. Together we can do it. No strings attached. And you better take fucking birth control because I WILL NOT PAY CHILD SUPPORT. Fucking hoes. I will hunt you down and kill your child. Or use him in one of my sacrificial offerings. To My Penis!
So if you know what's right for you, you will help me. No, not you Father Joseph! RAPE!!!!!! NO PLEASE USE THE KY THIS TIME!!!!!!!! IT HURTS!!!!! SO GOOOOD!!!!!!!